Script has been re written slightly I still enjoy the ending of the bus telling him "that's life"... and how he is just down in the dumps about the events that happened to him the day before.
What is new in the script is Wesley... read on to find out.
The script will change again there is always room for improvement;
As the pearl would say;
Newer is truer.
What is new in the script is Wesley... read on to find out.
The script will change again there is always room for improvement;
As the pearl would say;
Newer is truer.
Hi Nikita,
ReplyDeleteThis is a huge improvement. Just a few suggestions;
1) I think that when he meets Wesley on the bus, Pearl should talk first. This keeps him in character and keeps the rhythm of the narrative. The rhythm gets an imbalance when Wesley actually REPLIES (something he isn't used to)
2) When he says "he that forgives makes the victory" you should indicate that he has noticed that he has missed the stop (Important for Pearl but not Wesley). Make Pearl react - but Wesley just keeps on blarting out his aphorisms as Pearl panics and tries to get off the bus.
3)The next section I think doesn't need all the going to dinner and what not. He can say "better late than never" - she snatches the flower - not impressed and angry and throws the flower down and says that they are through. He imagines his heart crushed and we fade to black.
4) We can then finish with him as an alcoholic on the side of the road as per your script. If you want the story to be tragic, loose the little girl and finish with the "still tongue wise head" and close with "thats life".
- If you want it to be a bit lighter then end with the girl.